Parting Words
by white chocolate panda
Summary: AU end to 4x22. Rather than Sam killing Lilith and releasing Lucifer, Sam chooses to stop his attack on Lilith after hearing Dean's yells and realizing something's wrong. But stopping doesn't mean he's out of the woods... and things end badly for the youngest Winchester. Warning: Death Fic


**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or anything related to it**

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! So this is my first complete Supernatural fanfiction. I hope you all enjoy! I'm sorry it's so depressing and sad and I feel pretty cruel for even writing it but hey... it just happened. It's un-beta'd so all mistakes are my own. **

**Summary: AU 4x22- An alternate ending to the finale of season 4 where rather than Sam killing Lilith and releasing Lucifer from Hell, Sam decided to stop his attack on Lilith after hearing Dean calling for him, despite the manipulated voice message that drove him to this suicide mission. But stopping his attack didn't mean he was out of the woods... and things end badly for the youngest Winchester. (And yes, I am well aware that it "had to be Sam" to release Lucifer and that this happening wouldn't fit the plot at all, but it's fanfiction and I can do what I want :) )**

**Warnings: Language, violence, death fic (I'M SORRY! I LOVE SAM AND DEAN SO MUCH! I DO! AND I DON'T HATE EITHER OF THEM TO EVER WANT THIS TO HAPPEN. BUT IT WAS JUST WHAT ENDED UP HAPPENING IN THIS STORY!)**

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_"Listen to me you bloodsucking freak. Dad always said I'd either have to save you, or kill you. Well, I'm giving you fair warning. I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster Sam… a vampire. You're not you anymore. And there's no going back…"_

Sam could hear Dean's vicious words swirling around in his head like a disease, so clear as if he were still holding the phone up to his ear, listening to the message again.

No, even more than that… as if Dean was next to him at that moment, saying it right to Sam's face.

He sighed long and low, numb to how sad he actually sounded, and kept walking through the church corridors, following Ruby.

This was it.

He was going to face off against Lilith.

He was going to kill her.

And about time too.

She had ruined everything.

She had held Dean's contract. She had released the hounds that had sent him to Hell. She had come after Sam. She was the reason he had started drinking demon blood in the first place, so he could be strong enough to stand a chance against her…

But no, he couldn't blame her totally for that. He had to take responsibility for himself.

Dean had a right to hate him.

And hate him he did. The message had proven that alone.

How could things have gotten so bad that his older brother literally despised his very being? How could Sam have dug himself so far into the ground that he made his currently fragile relationship with Dean shatter and break so completely?

He felt sick. He wanted to throw up everything in his stomach and then some, then lie on the ground and curl up and die.

But he had more important matters to attend to. He couldn't pity himself now.

This was his chance. He was as strong as he'd ever be. With Ruby's help, he could finally kill Lilith and end all this. He knew though, no matter how strong he had become, chances are, he wouldn't make it out of this battle alive.

And up until that message, that had haunted him, made him afraid even.

But now?

If he could take down Lilith with him, then he was going to do it with pride.

He would go down swinging.

And maybe, just maybe, after all was said and done, once Dean had taken time to recover from the terror Sam had caused in his life and maybe even forgive his fallen brother, Dean would be able to find it in himself to feel just a little proud that at least Sam had done something good in his final moments…

This was it.

Sam burst through the chapel door, immediately throwing out his hand before he even really saw the blonde demon, knowing she was there. Feeling rage consume him and all other feelings disappear in the heat of the beginnings of what would surely be a great fight, Sam sent Lilith flying back.

Lilith hit the alter with a grunt and fell to the floor, looking somewhat innocent in her injured state, wearing a beautiful, silk white dress that seemed to fit in the church setting, despite the darkness that was really happening around them.

Sam walked forward slowly and menacingly, like a lion stalking its prey, Ruby following loyally behind him as Lilith pushed herself up to a sitting position. Before she could make another move towards getting up, Sam telekinetically shoved her back up against the altar, her arms strained on either side of her head.

She glared up at him through her golden curls.

Sam heard the door slam shut behind him, knowing Ruby had done so, but couldn't be bothered to look back at her to see why.

It didn't matter.

Sam approached Lilith, feeling his blood boil, his mouth almost turning up into a victorious smirk as he realized just exactly what was happening. That he was finally going to destroy her.

"I've been waiting for this… for a very long time," Sam snarled.

Lilith looked up at him through her eyelashes, her eyes fiery with rage, and spoke breathlessly, "Give me your best shot."

Sam almost grinned, anticipation gnawing at his bones, feeling more ready than ever for what he was due to give her. Throwing out his hand once more, he focused every ounce of his energy into attacking her, feeling an eerie calm descend over him. He watched as her chest lit up with a blinding white light and expanded up into her neck and face, and finally eyes as she screamed in pain.

He felt true power, and he liked it.

_"Sam!"_

Sam faltered for a second, not quite sure if he had actually heard anything at all.

_"Sam!" _

He heard it again… that voice.

Dean.

He stopped, turning his head towards the door as he heard the cry again in the distance. _"Sammy!"_

The calm he had felt disappeared from him so suddenly, he felt as though he might collapse. His throat constricted in pain and he honestly just wanted to cry as he listened to Dean frantically pound on the door, yelling his name again.

"Sam!"

"Dean?" Sam whispered, still not totally believing his own ears.

He looked down at Ruby, seeing her screaming at him, anxiety written all over her face, but he couldn't hear her words over the pounding of his heart radiating through his body, deafening him.

A shrill cackling laugh finally broke through the water drowning out his senses and he turned to Lilith, mocking him.

"You've turned yourself into a freak!" Lilith said incredulously, "A monster! And now you're not going to bite?" She laughed again, taunting him. "I'm sorry, but that is honestly _adorable."_

Sam glared at her, feeling the rage return uninvited, and raised his hand, ready to finish her, the pounding of his heart and the pounding on the door disappearing in the background when he…

Stopped.

No, this wasn't right.

He couldn't do this.

Dean was here, which meant something was wrong.

Dean wanted Lilith dead as much as Sam did, maybe even more. He didn't know.

And Dean hated Sam. Dean wanted to kill him. Dean knew that Sam would probably die killing Lilith, so why would he want to prevent that by showing up? Wouldn't it just be better to kill two birds with one stone? Get rid of Sam and Lilith by just letting them destroy each other?

So if Dean was trying to stop it, then that meant something was wrong.

Dean knew something Sam didn't know.

And Sam was too much of a thinker to go into this, no matter how hyped up on demon blood or anger he was, without all the facts.

He didn't care if he died killing Lilith, as long as he killed her. But he couldn't do it if Dean was trying to prevent it… even if Dean hated him.

"No…" Sam whispered, more to himself than anyone.

He had to stop. He couldn't do this. He couldn't be a monster…. He couldn't…

His thoughts were muddled together and he felt ill, but he also felt… right.

He turned back to Ruby and said again, more adamantly, "No."

"What?" Ruby shrieked.

"Ruby, I can't… I can't do this. This isn't… something's wrong. Let Dean in…." Sam glanced up at the door, the pounding and screaming still coming through vaguely, muffled by the woodwork.

Ruby smiled gently at Sam, "Come on Sam, it's okay. You can do this! You're almost there! Think of all the hard work you've put in! Think of all the time you've spent on this! You can finish her."

Sam shook his head, glancing back at Lilith briefly to see her watching him with a mixture of intrigue and amusement, "I can't…"

Ruby's eyes flashed black, patience lost, "Sam! Dean doesn't care about you! He doesn't! He thinks you're a monster! Think of all the crap he's done to you, said to you! For all you know, he's just here to get a front row seat in the hopes that Lilith kills you so he can kill her himself! But he can't, Sam! It's all you!"

Ruby reached up and grasped Sam's face in her hands, lowering him to her eye level. "Sam, you can trust me. You always can, you know that. I've always been on your side. Dean hasn't. Please Sam, I believe in you," she whispered reassuringly.

But the fog in Sam's brain was lifting, and staring into her eyes, now back to brown, he could read her like he could read anyone from a lifetime of hunting demons and professionally lying. He couldn't trust her. He never could. All those times he had doubted her, he had been right.

Dean had been right.

And now he was in deep shit because he had ignored those feelings for far too long.

He pushed her away from him, "No!"

He wasn't sure what to do now, but he had to do something. He couldn't just leave Lilith here but he knew he couldn't kill her, not now anyway…

Planning to play it by ear, not-so-secretly hoping Dean would just burst in then and there and save the day, he turned around, expecting to see Lilith still pushed back against the altar…

He startled to see Lilith was right in front of him, standing. His guard had fallen enough that she must have slipped through the binds of his power.

"Guess you're starting to run out of juice, huh?" Lilith smirked, cocking her head.

She pushed Sam in the center of his chest, sending him flying back and into the very door that was separating him from Dean. Sam hit it, hard, the wind knocked out of him as he slumped boneless to the ground.

His head was pounding insanely like a drummer going crazy from meth was beating on his brain, or was that the door still? He felt more strange than in pain…

Dean's cries had grown more frantic and he knew Dean had figured out what had been thrown like a rag doll just now.

Sam pushed himself up on shaky arms and glared up at Lilith, who was sauntering over to where he sat.

"Lilith…" Ruby took a step towards the blonde demon, but Lilith simply raised a hand, silencing her.

And Sam knew for sure.

Ruby had been batting for Lilith's team, this whole time.

He felt pure, unadulterated fear creep up his flesh, raising the hairs on his arms and neck. He was cornered, trapped, and about to be killed because he had failed to keep up with his end of the deal. Because he had figured out the charade…

"Sam, Sam, Sam," Lilith chided, stopping before him and looking down at the hunter. "You had so much potential, you know? It was always supposed to be you, and well…" she raised her arms, gesturing around her like there was actually something interesting to see, "Look what you've managed to do."  
Shockingly fast, Lilith was bent down in front of Sam, grasping at his shirt collar, "You've really fucked up you know that Sammy? You could've had so much power… you can't even imagine… but I'm done playing games with you Winchester boys. I'm done with you."

With strength that far surpassed what looked possible for the delicate blonde body, but was reasonable if you knew what she really was, Lilith yanked Sam up and threw him across the room, into the very altar he had had her pinned against only moments ago.

Sam smacked his head on the altar and rolled down to the bass, his vision turning red. But he fought the pain. He couldn't check out yet.

He looked up at Ruby, silently willing her to help him, for him to be wrong about her, but she did nothing but glare down at him.

"There will be others…" Lilith whispered, trying to reassure herself and keep her anger in check. With a dramatic sigh, she turned to Ruby. "Finish him."

Ruby simply nodded.

Lilith's vessel opened her mouth and a heavy stream of billowing black smoke thundered out of the blonde's body and disappeared through the ceiling. The dead girl fell to the ground, eyes open, seeming to stare straight through Sam, unnerving him.

Ruby stared at Sam with nothing but disgust from across the room, "You know what Sam? You've really done it this time." Unsheathing a knife from her belt, she made her way towards him, "I just… you know what? Forget it. I'm just glad I'm the one that gets to finish you. At least that's some payback for all the time I wasted trying to help your sorry ass."

Sam looked towards the door, the banging and yelling still coming. Dean sure could be resilient, but there was nothing he could do to help Sam now.

Sam just wished he could apologize to Dean in person.

He just wished Dean would forgive him while Sam was still here.

But that would never happen. Lilith was still at large, and Dean would kill her, Sam knew he would. Dean never let Sam down, not like Sam let Dean down, and Dean would win, because he was the best hunter Sam knew. Better even than John Winchester.

But Sam could still kill Ruby, eliminating one more player from the field opposing Dean.

And then maybe, Dean could learn to forgive Sam.

Because even in death, Sam didn't think he could handle his brother hating him forever.

At least Dean wouldn't have to be burdened with ever seeing Sam's pathetic mug again. Sam would surely go to Hell for all he'd done. And Dean would go to Heaven when his day finally came, where he belonged.

Feeling misery for all his sins, anger at himself for his failures, emptiness at the growing ache in his stomach from the guilt at ruining Dean's life, and love for his brother, no matter if the feeling was reciprocated or not, Sam found it in himself to stand.

He was determined.

Just like his original plan for Lilith, he could go down fighting.

Sam fell back and grabbed one of the long candle holders from around the altar, shaking the unlit candle to the floor, and then swung his weapon at Ruby the second she came within reach.

Ruby jumped back, seeming a little surprised at the quick turn of events, thinking Sam out for the count after everything.

"All right then, Sam, you wanna play dirty? Fine." Ruby tucked her knife back into her belt and mimicked Sam's actions, grabbing a candle holder and wielding it like sword.

She swung her weapon forward at the same time as he did and they collided with a resounding clang in the large chapel.

Sam pulled his weapon back first and thrust it again towards her, lower, aiming for her legs. Ruby jumped back to dodge the hit, swinging her stick at his head like a baseball bat.

Sam ducked, just barely missing a full blow to the head. While still lower to the ground, he swung his stick in the same way as she, like a bat, but his target hit, clipping her in the side and sending her reeling.

Ruby gathered her balance, a venomous smile on her face. She raised her weapon above her head, intending to strike it down on Sam vertically, but he was quicker. Sam fell to the floor and rolled out of the way, the stick hitting the floor hard. Ruby growled and turned towards Sam just to be met with the candle holder going through her chest, impaling her.

Sam stood back, releasing the weapon as it stuck in her, hoping it would be enough to incapacitate her long enough for him to exorcise her, since he didn't have the knife that could actually kill her on him.

Breathing hard, Sam waiting half a second before he opened his mouth, prepared to expel Ruby from her host's body, "_Exo-"_

"Oh no you don't!" Ruby interrupted, grabbing the candle stick protruding through her body and pulling it out uncomfortably easily. She grinned at Sam, noticing the sheen of sweat on his too-pale forehead, the ever-darkening bags under his eyes, the slight shiver to his body. "Not doing so hot, huh Sam? Guess all that juice wore off a bit too fast. Shame, really."

Sam moved as if he was going to grab the bloodied candle holder from the floor, but Ruby was faster, and at this point, stronger. She unsheathed her knife again and plunged it in Sam's gut.

Sam grunted, falling to his knees as she mercilessly twisted the knife in him before ripping it right back out.

Sam's face contorted with pain as he tried to stay upright on his knees, clutching at his rapidly bleeding abdomen. He looked at up at Ruby, unable to help the look of betrayal that crossed his features, remembering again how he had foolishly trusted her for far too long.

"Bye, Sammy," Ruby smiled as she thrust the knife into Sam's chest, and straight through his heart. Sam heard her laughter echoing in his ears as he listed to the side and fell, the knife still protruding crudely from his chest. He coughed, tasting the metallic tang of blood as it came up his throat and flooded over his lips.

Everything had seemed to go in slow motion since Sam had first heard Dean yell his name, but in reality, it had only been a few minutes. Time seemed to return to normal, things faster than before, once the knife was plunged into him, surprising Sam as he thought time was supposed to slow when you were dying.

Sam closed his eyes, trying to rid his mind of his detached thoughts in his state of pain and exhaustion, as he heard one final, booming bang on the door as it finally burst open, too late.

Sam couldn't hear anything, and as his eyes were closed, he couldn't see what was happening around him either.

It seemed like hours had passed while he had nothing to pay attention to but the pain ebbing away through his entire body as his blood coursed out of him dangerously fast, when finally, he felt arms wrap around him.

He didn't even have the energy to flinch, in case this was another attack on Ruby's part, but soon realized it wasn't, when the arms drew him closer to a firm, muscular chest, and held onto him tight, comforting.

Sam wanted to open his eyes. He wanted to see the face above him that he knew was Dean's. He wanted to hear the voice that he knew was speaking from the vibrations coming from Dean's chest. But he couldn't do any of that. The pain had encompassed him too far and all he could do was struggle to hold on just a moment longer, and then another moment, and another…

Sam willed his mouth to open, to speak, to apologize while he still had the chance, but he couldn't even do that. He felt a tear slip down his cheek at his inability to right his wrongs in his last moments… _I'm so sorry Dean…_

And then, he knew nothing more.

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Dean's frantic banging and pounding on the door and screams for Sam had been for nothing…

His heroic burst through into the chapel had been for nothing…

His yells and insults hurled at Ruby had been for nothing…

His long-overdue demon knife to the heart of Ruby had been for nothing…

And seeing her die had been less than satisfying as he looked to the crumpled heap on the floor that was Sam.

He had picked up Sam, had hugged his little brother to himself, trying to staunch the bleeding coming from his stomach, too afraid to remove the blade sticking out of his chest for fear of hurting him even more, not even having a moment to assess his bruises or the cut on his head. Those didn't matter. He just had to stop the bleeding from his midsection…

He had screamed for Cas over and over, hoping he could get there in time…

But he hadn't come.

He had muttered useless reassurances to Sam, had begged him to open his eyes so he could see those beautiful blue-green orbs once again, had urged him to say something, anything…

And then he had felt as the life literally left his baby brother, as his body relaxed one final time and his shaky, weak breaths had ceased…

That had been a week ago.

Dean wasn't sure what had happened in-between then and now. He knew he saw Bobby, had been convinced not to make any deals, had been forced to remember the last time, which was exactly what caused this time.

And he knew eventually he had checked into this motel room, not even sure what state he was in. He didn't care anyway.

He hadn't moved from the bed in days, except to use the bathroom, and only then had he just barely been able to get himself up. He hadn't eaten, or showered, or slept, despite being on a bed constantly.

He couldn't even think, not about the fact that Sam was dead, or that they had never made amends in person before he had died, or that Dean was now the last of the Winchester's standing…

He couldn't feel anything, except an increasing urge to die too.

He knew without even making a conscious decision about it, that he would kill himself. Blow his brains out or something, it didn't matter. And soon. Because there was no Dean without Sam. He couldn't live without him. He had failed his brother once again, for the last time, and dying too? Joining him? It was the only thing that seemed right anymore. But he just couldn't be bothered to gather the energy for that yet.

He didn't care about Lilith, he didn't care about the angels, he just cared about Sam. And Sam was gone.

The only thing he could do was bring his phone to his ear every few hours to call Sam's cellphone that sat right next to his on the nightstand, collected after everything from the church, so that he could hear Sam's voice, even if it was just through an answering machine, even if it wasn't really him…

_"Hi, this is Sam. Leave me a message."_

He listened to it over and over every day since he had arrived at the motel, in a futile attempt to comfort him through the fact that he hadn't been able to hear Sam's voice in his last moments alive.

Dean sighed for what felt like the millionth time, and reached over for his phone blindly, accidentally grabbing Sam's instead of his. He didn't put it back down; instead he brought it to him, holding it above his face as he turned the screen on.

_121 missed calls._

Dean would make it a million before he even considered stopping.

That's when he noticed something else.

_1 saved message._

Dean felt hope surging forward, hope he didn't want to feel through his painful sadness, that the message saved was the one he had left Sam, apologizing, trying to fix things… that maybe Sam had listened to it before he had entered the church, and that Sam had forgiven Dean before he died.

Dean choked back a sob and clicked the icon to open and listen to the message. Holding it to his ear, he didn't even realize he had stopped breathing in anticipation that the already listened to message was the one he had left.

The message began to play…

_"Listen to me you bloodsucking freak. Dad always said I'd either have to save you, or kill you. Well, I'm giving you fair warning. I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster Sam… a vampire. You're not you anymore. And there's no going back…"_

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